How can I do this without starting an argument?
When my boyfriend called me tonight he was laughing with his mom and his mom was saying something like "Is your name Jess suey" because I guess suey means pig in chinese? Well my dad raises pigs so thats why pigs is always a topic with them teasing me and then he called me a pig farmer and he knows Im NOT a pig farmer and he knows I hate it when he calls me that. And he was laughing with his mom about it (we’re 16) and I was just quiet and he said "hello?" and I said "yeah?" and he said "why arent you talking?" and I said "because Im not sure I even want to talk to you right now" and so he said "well Im going to go then bye I love you" and I said love you and we hung up. I feel so angry and hurt that he would call me a pig farmer when he knows I hate it and I just want to tell him it made me hurt and angry but I know its going to start an argument and I dont want that. How can I go about it WITHOUT starting an argument?
25 Responses
* Amo mi Ganzito
13 Feb 2010
beejay
13 Feb 2010
easy..tell him to stop or its over!
dma8
13 Feb 2010
if telling him he hurt your feelings starts an argument then how are you EVER going to let him know he’s in the wrong in the future?? i say tell him, remind him he’s being an a.ss and if he doesn’t take your side then he wont have you by his
It’s not y
13 Feb 2010
it def wont need an argument to disscuz this…tell him u think its very rude and disrepectful to u if he calls u a farmer. a pig farmer ?????????????
bibadnic
13 Feb 2010
Tell him that even though it was probably an innocent comment on his part, this is something that you dont take lightly. That joking about your name is hurtful and that you would appreciate if he didnt poke fun at your expense.
Glitteroid
13 Feb 2010
Tell him that it hurts you, and that you don’t feel like he respects you. If he gets upset about it, then go find someone better.
Girl Incognito
13 Feb 2010
He shouldn’t be doing that. If you don’t like it, he and his GROWN UP mother should stop it. That’s pretty disrespectful if they keep doing it even after you let them know. He sounds like he cares if you’re happy or not, so I don’t think it should be a problem if you tell him. He should understand. Just speak to him in a calm voice because if you don’t, that’ll start up conflict.
sunflare63
13 Feb 2010
calm down, sounds like they are testing your temper.
dont give in to them or even show any remorse emotion.
Just laugh it off with them.
they are just tested you to see if u do get mad or have
a streak about ya.
Next time just say oink oink and laugh with them. and then
change the subject and they will stop the foolishness.
Cheer up…at least he loves ya.
doxfuster
13 Feb 2010
it shouldnt start one if ur just letting him know ur feelings
bill b
13 Feb 2010
Why are you so worried about his feelings when he’s obviously not concerned with yours?
You need to ask yourself why you’re willing to put up with someone who chooses to say or do things that hurt you.
Boob M
13 Feb 2010
hi sue
Nat
13 Feb 2010
He probably just think its a fun nickname and likes teasing you but doesn’t know you are serious about not liking it. Tell him that name hurts and would like if he could stop calling you it.
Nikki
13 Feb 2010
well, just say.. we need to talk about something without argueing and tell him how you feel, and how when he teases you about that … that it makes you feel hurt and angry.. if you cant talk things out in a relationship, then its really not a relationship at all
shynotscared
13 Feb 2010
If he knows that this bothers you, then he shouldn’t be joking about it, plain and simple. Telling him that what he said hurts your feelings SHOULD NOT start an arguement. (There’s nothing to argue about.) If he can’t respect your wishes, then there’s no reason to stay around him.
:p
13 Feb 2010
haha haha omg
thats so cruel but funny im sry
that is pretty mean
just kick his ass and break his heart and dont look back
ThexSilentxOnex
13 Feb 2010
Yeah, this is one of those argument starters. Well, lets see- Im 17 years old, almost 18, and I’ve been with my boyfriend almost 3 years now. When we first started going out, I would always freak when he insulted me the tiniest bit. Now, when he makes fun of me, I get him back, and just laugh with it. We dont argue that much as we used to because I laid back a bit on the whole touchy feely. But, your boyfriend sounds either insensitive or just having fun. Dont take it as a big deal because guys are always going to be guys-until he falls in love. Just say not to call you that, because you hate it, and mean it. If it doesnt work, then he’s just insensitive. My boyfriend stops when I tell him too, and he shouldnt be any different if he respects you. If it starts an argument, so what? Get your point across. :3
Ashley L
13 Feb 2010
16 year old boys are always immature. I think you made your point that you were angry. I say cut him some slack and let it go.
Lorelai
13 Feb 2010
Break up. Relationships like this are terrible to be in. I know, your bf says mean things, and then Says it’s your fault. They constantly play mind games & then tell you that they love you. He needs you, not you need him. You are so much better & deserve to be treated with respect, and to not have your feelings hurt deliberately. Dump him & his mother!
SMILES
13 Feb 2010
Listen, honey you got to stand up for yourself! If you don’t say anything to him about it then he’s gonna think it’s o.k to say stuff like that to you all the time. Trust me you don’t want that either. It’s always best to tell your mate how you feel about something and especially if you were hurt or offended by it. I would go off on his a** and wouldn’t care how he felt afterwards, hell he didn’t care about your feelings when he was laughing with is mom about you, did he? So, don’t spare his feeling either. He didn’t even bother to ask you what was wrong or why you weren’t talking to him or anything. So, forget him. If he’s calling you names and you already done told him NOT to, then you should break up with him, cause now he’s got his family laughing at you to girl! Think about that!
bonnielynn73
13 Feb 2010
Tell him how you feel?
Mr Ttreat
13 Feb 2010
You cant. he obviously has no respect for you or your family. by having his mum there too is his way of humiliating you they obviously think they are of higher class than you are and will treat you badly. If you like being treated disrespectfully then stay with this boy, if you want someone that really loves you and what your dad does for a living then Dump his Ass and never ever worry about starting an argument with low lives like your boyfriend or his family. Never let anyone say bad things about your family as they made you and love you. The truth is and this is true He will always call you a pig farmer or he will say your family’s are pig farmers oink oink.
bartzan41
13 Feb 2010
He must understand your feelings. If it starts an aguement, so be it. It may be that you misheard what was going on. It may be that his mom was picking on him, and teasing him. You need to keep an open mind about it, until you know for sure. It sounds to me like he thought nothing was wrong, and thusly meant no harm or hurt to you. You must confirm that, and explain your feelings to him. If the two of you can’t reach a compromise on this subject, you need to move on, or he does…
L8dy Habit
13 Feb 2010
Acturally girlie…me and my bf have the saaame problem…(well not with the pig thing)…but we argue instead of talken…but what I do is when I begin talken I say…"I don’t want to argue but….."and address the problem…he mite get an attitude but we don’t argue….so dats a way you can do it….good luck wt my remedy!!!
Lil Azn Monkey
13 Feb 2010
ok my boyfriend kept making fun of me too. dont worry. i told him that it waz annoying me nd that i didnt like it. nd if he really loved you he would stop makin fun of you. but like sometimes maybe that shows you that he loves you cuz he might think that you can take a joke. but if it goes on. i think you should talk to him about it. if he starts to argue that means he doesnt really love you. cuz thats what ex-boyfriend did nd it waz over 2 days later. all im sayin is if u dont talk to him he wont stop cuz he doesnt know how you feel about it.
jake.jackoff
13 Feb 2010
haha sweetie there really is no way,that you could not start an arguement in this situation.
unless you said someting like "i really dont appreciate it when you call me that,it annoys me and is hurtful and makes me pissed at you!!!"
there ya go!
:]
I think that you should be able to talk like civilized people without yelling or having to argue. I think that you should tell him that you really dont like it and that you want him to stop, he should be able to understand. You should tell him what you feel, you know? "Hey I need to talk to you about something but I dont want to fight. Im just letting you know that I dont like it when you say these things to me because you hurt my feelings…" or something along those lines just basically letting him know that you just dont wanna argue.
I hope I helped, Good Luck!!!