Does anyone know any Morris jokes that ridicule the English?

The English stereotype being selfishness, pig-headedness, arrogance and stupidity through self-inflicted ignorance.

Here are a few to get you started.

Morris calls Easyjet to book a flight. The operator asks ‘How many people are flying with you?’

Morris replies ‘I dont know! It’s your f***ing plane!!’
————————————————————————–

Two English couples decided to swap partners for the night. After 3 hours of amazing sex Morris says to Nigel ‘I wonder how the girls are getting on’

—————————————————————————————————–
Farmer Morris is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have Bluetongue. ‘Well bugger me’ he said, ‘I didnt even know they had mobile phones!’

———————————————————————————————

Morris takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She undresses & lies on the bed spreadeagled & says ‘You know what I want dont you?’

‘Yeah,’ says Morris. ‘The whole friggin’ bed by the looks of it!’

Question for organic meat eaters…..?

I recently read that organic farmers may not give medicine to animals who are suffering because the farmer can get a higher price for their meat and milk if the animals retain organic status. Studies have found that up to one-third of pigs on some organic farms are suffering from untreated infections, and reports also state that organic pigs often suffer from internal and external parasites, which could be passed on to the people who eat them. Organic chickens on some farms suffer from higher mortality rates than drugged chickens because extremely crowded and filthy housing conditions can lead to parasites and cannibalism. When the udders of cows on organic dairy farms become infected from frequent milkings, many farmers don’t give the cows medicine because then their milk would lose the organic label, which allows the product to be sold at a higher price…
So my question is, do you still feel good about eating organic or has this changed your mind?
For anyone who thinks im being one sided or biased I can assure you I am not. I am not a vegetarian but have been considering it for health reasons & in doing some research on the subject this is just something I came across. I was surprised by this information & thought I would share it & get oppinions. I am also sorry if this should of been in another category, I have not posted a Q on here before.

*SD! SPOILER 11/20/09* Michelle McCool embarrasses Mickie James!!?

Mickie James def. Layla. After the match Layla tells Mickie to look at the tron, a video of Michelle McCool dressed like a farmer calling Mickie “Piggy James”. She sings Old McDonald while a picture of a pig with Mickie’s face on it appears. The video ends with another pig with Mickie’s face on it on a Looney Tunes background with “That’s all folks!” written on it. Mickie is shown crying in the ring & walks off. (Source: PWInsider.com)

What do you guys think? The WWE can’t get over the issue that Mickie is a curvy girl not a kinny one :p I’m surprised she would let this promo get written…

I have a few questions..?

I just bought a guinea pig from a local pet store 2 days ago. Well, she was mixed in with her brother & 2 other guinea pigs from another litter. I do know that one of the guinea pigs from the other litter was a female but, not sure of the other guinea pig’s sex. Well, I was wondering if she could be pregnant? I called my vet & they said they can’t get pregnant until their 1 1/2 years old! I looked online & it said younger. I’m VERY confused. I asked the pet store how old she was & they didn’t even know how old she was.

My other question is that I have fleas in my house because I also own a dog & a cat. When I first got my kitten (Almost 3 months ago) she already had fleas. Well, it brought fleas in my house & I’ve been trying to get rid of them for that whole time now. We got a dog about 2 1/2 weeks ago & now the dog has fleas. Well, I believe their in the carpet now. I bought a "bomber" to bomb the fleas yesterday.
Well, the only problem I have with bombing is that my cat & dog have fleas. So, if I bomb the house the fleas in the house will be gone but once I bring my dog & cat back in, there will be fleas once again!

What should I do?
Another thing about Allison (My guinea pig) is that she sneezes all the time.

I bought a guinea pig before & she sneezed all the time. She ended up dying & I only had her for about 4 months. And I have NO idea why. I just came home one day & she had passed away.
Should I be worried about her sneezing?

Can you come up with the punch line?

A Hindu, a rabbi & a lawyer are travelling together. They stop at a farmhouse & ask to spend the night.
The farmer says he only has room for two & one will have to sleep in the barn.
The Hindu says, "OK, I’ll go to the barn". A few minutes later, he comes back & says, "There’s a cow in the barn. Cows are sacred & I can’t sleep with a sacred animal."
So, the rabbi agrees to sleep in the barn. He returns in a few minutes, explaining, "There’s a pig in the barn. Pigs are unclean & my beliefs won’t allow me to sleep with an unclean animal."
Finally, the lawyer agrees to go to the barn. A few minutes later, there’s a knock at the door and…

What if Dakota Fanning was The Big Bad Wolf and she tryed her female best to bit & claw at Hannah The Fem?

ale Leader Of The Three Little Pigs from Barney & Friends?

How funny is this?

A lawyer, a Hindu, and a Jew are riding along in a car when all of a sudden it breaks down in the middle of nowhere.
The 3 friends, stunned, look around & nearest to them is a small country house. Since it was almost nightfall, they decide to seek help. The farmer they met was hospitable & insisted that they stay the night. He had a small room adjacent to his house w/ only 2 beds, so he reluctantly told them that 1 of them had to sleep in the barn for the night. With little hesitation, the Jew told his friends that he didn’t mind sleeping there, so he left & the other 2 went to sleep. About 10 mins. later the 2 hear a knock on the door & when they open, the Jew tells them that he does not feel it is right to sleep in the barn since there is a pig present & it is against his faith to be in its presence since it is unclean. The Hindu then offered to sleep in the barn. Surely enough, 10 mins. pass and again they hear a knock. The Hindu says there is a cow present in the barn &
he insists that he can’t sleep there due to his faith because the cow is considered a holy animal. Thus the lawyer gets up and says that he will surely sleep in the barn the night and bids the other 2 a good night. 10 mins. pass and the Jew and the Hindu, almost fast asleep, hear a knock on the door. They open it and to their shock, standing at the door was the cow and the pig….

How do these people get married?

How do some people end up finding a mate? Some of them are so darn ugly & fat. Who wants to wake up next to a 300-lb pig – unless you’re a farmer? I see some of these women who looked as if they’ve been beaten with an ugly stick for 7 days straight. How in God’s name can they land a man? Well, not this man. I have standards. Why don’t these men have any standards? Same thing for ugly, fat men. How the hell can
they find a wife? I guess love really is blind…and deaf & dumb, too.

If the US is "Animal Farm" which ethnic group would be the pigs? Which animal would you be?

I am only making a reference

Who would Rove & Libby be?

Who would H. Kissinger be? The old Pig

Who would the Chickens be?

I am only asking a question…..

If it hurt……..it must be very true…….

There are sooooo much similarity between this ethnic group and the Pigs in " Animal Farm "

Soviet and Nazi Germany would = The Farmer that was booted out of the farm

Just answer the question ….

Feel Free to call me names if you are the Ethnic Group that is the Pigs

blonde joke?

halarious
there was a blonde,brunett,& a red head. They were going to steal food from a farmer. they got there and the blonde triped over a can and made a lot of noise. The red head hide behind a cow, the brunett a pig, the blonde a patato sack. the farmer came out and said " who is hiding behind my cow" the red head went moo moo. then the farmer asked "whos hiding behind my pig?" the brunett replied oink oink. Then he asked "whos hiding behind my patato sack?" the blonde replied

patato.!! lol

Next Page »